The wise worm

I saw a worm just now. It was slimy today, really wet with all the rain that has been pouring down lately. It said to me I must remember this beautiful face that I had been thinking about.
The letter 'S' is the one that sticks to me right now.

Ancient Scroll * 1

One of the forgotten arts of the human world is the Art of Summoning Evil Things.

When I was a child, I found some sort of forgottten artifact. I was digging up bushes and a lot of dirt, removing old roots from fallen trees, I reached about 9 metres under the ground when I discovered this Ancient Scroll of Summoning.

I have to use more chemicals to interpret the signs in the background, but the image clearly illustrates its effects.

In time, I hope to understand what sort of formula it takes to summon this sort of forgotten Evil.

How to withstand Alien Paralyzation

I was flying from this little village, Volda, to my ancient home village Krokkleiva when it occured to me. When Aliens are abducting people from airplanes, it can be compared to when humans are catching crayfish. We light at them with our flashlights, paralyzing them - thus we can easily pick them up without resistance.

And when the Alien Spacecrafts are shattering the walls of an aeroplane and readying their tractor beams, we the humans get paralyzed by the bright lights emerging from the Spacecraft. We are indeed a easy prey.

Maybe, some day, a human being will be strong enough to withstand the terrible shocks and the subsequent paralyzation, and he or she will find a way to fight those goddamn aliens.

ancient scriptures "3

Scrap Yard Artifact

Last night I dreamt a lot of things. I don't remember the most of it, but 3 scenes appears to me very clearly.

The first was that I was walking some kind of post-nuclear landscape.
There were signs of industry, so Earth had not gone apocalyptic or something. There were remainings of an old football field, and beyond this field I could see some tall skyscrapers, among them a Newcastle United Football Club Supporter's shop.
I remember wanting to go there, but I didn't, because it was a long way from where I was standing, and I wanted to explore the side I was at first.

I came to an very interesting Scrap Yard, and something made my Eyes Wide Open.
Two of the cars there were some sort of G1 Transformers-like vehicles. One of them was definetly the Decepticon Robot Soundwawe, and maybe the other one was Autobot Robot Soundblaster, because it had yellow, orange, and red colors. My attention however, was concentrated on the Soundwawe car wreck.

In reality These Transformers, both Soundwawe and Soundblaster, are robot toys that can change into cassette players. But in my dream they were cars.

I went over to Soundwawe, the most interesting of the two. Actually, I didn't bother to check out the other one at all. The Soundwawe car had a reserve wheel container attached at the rear end. I opened it, and to my surprise it contained some sort of ancient mould for Soundwawes head. This was an Artifact to me. I got very excited and happy about what I had found, but I understood that this wreck belonged to someone else, and I had to get their authorization to grab stuff from it. And that when I made them aware of what I had found, they probably wanted it for themselves, either for their own personal collection, or to sell to the highest bidder on ebay.
I said; "Hello" out in the air, I couldn't see anybody, there were just huge amounts of mechanical parts everywhere.
A man suddenly came out from a passage amongst the wreckings.
"Excuse me, but could I please have this thing, I found something in this wreck over here, and I am wondering if I could pretty please have it, its probably just lying around and stuff..."
He said "Sure it would be ok by me, mister, but the thing is, this car recently came in, and you have to get permission from the specific owner of that very wreck"
"Oh.." I said
"In fact, that's her right behind you.."
I turned - a woman was there, it became clear to me that this was some sort of mother, and the girl behind her had to be her daughter.
I asked if I please could have something I found in the wreck of her awesome Soundwawe car, and while I was, it became clear to me that I had to be absolutely honest and explain what I had found, if not it would look suspicious and she would try to keep the Artifact. So I did.
"What is it that you have found?" She asked me
"This" I said, still smiling in excitement, and opened the container thus revealing the Artifact.
"Ye, sure you can take it, I didn't even know it was there" She replied and smiled, it was funny to her that her ex-car could hide things she had never known of.
I git even more excited
"Ma-maybe, I mean, could I check out the rest of the wreck, to see if I find more interesting stuff?"
She confirmed, and I checked inside the car, but it just looked exactly like any other car-wreck, dusty and dirty, with old sigarette stumps in it.
I went back to the container and opened it. I took the mould of Soundwawes head, it was white in color and white only. Looked like plastic, and it missed some pieces by the left side of the face. I got slightly disappointed over the whiteness and the missing part, but still I was happy to get a hold of this very rare Artifact. It was important to me not to get in a bad mood only because it wasn't perfect.

The second thing I remember from my dream was that I found my missing green, hooded, sweater in the house of an old friend of mine. My mother was also there.

The Swordfish

The third thing I remember dreaming about was the most interesting to me.

I was standing in some kind of winter landscape.
There was a icy lake, and below it there was a downhill leading to a river that had really wild, streaming water in it. This river was not covered with any ice. 
I stood on the border of the icy lake, and some grass was penetrating the frosty snowgrounds. 

An old man was fishing in a hole in the lake. I was watching him. He had a well-cutted beard that was white with some shades of gray in it. He looked like a nice man. 
Suddenly he caught a fish, and he pulled out a huge Swordfish from the hole. 
The Swordfish had brown mixed with grey colors. I remember he took it with his hands when it had came out of the hole, by its snout and fins at once. 
The Swordfish was beautiful. It had those wonderful fins, and the long nose-thing, that is the reason to the name Swordfish, looked peculiarly well. 

I also remember that I payed a lot of attention to its face, and I got this very sad feeling because I knew the man was going to kill it.. and I couldn't say or do anything because the man was a nice old man, and people fish all the time you know, so he wouldn't pay any attention to what I thought about catching this Beautiful Swordfish just for the killing of it. He was kind of an representation of all the common old people of citys that lie by the sea, that gets up early in the morning and likes to feel fresh air in their cheeks. And they are seen in the local store regurarly and many people know about them and say hello to them at a very regular basis. Nice, old, and fresh men. 

My sadness escalated when I saw the fish's face, because I could strongly feel the desperation and helplessness in this poor creatures mind. It had lived for so many years in this peaceful lake, and then a passing, nice old man with beard would just catch it by coincidence, and end its life in a single stroke with an hammer. And it was probably the most beautiful fish many people would see in their entire lifetime, still it was caught just to be killed.
It made me kind of angry, that the nice old man did not understand that you could have a lot of hapiness inside you that would last forever just by seeing it, and that he wouldn't get the same hapiness without killing the Swordfish. 

Then - all of a sudden, the Swordfish slipped from his hands, and onto the ground.
I got excited a moment because I thought that it could get into the hole again. But of course The Swordfish did not understand that, so it just kind of wiggled a few centimeters away from the hole. It looked exhausted and ready to give up everything. So I got kind of sad again, because this stupid Swordfish could of course not understand the direction of its own safety, even as it was so short away from it. I saw it's face and fins more clearly now, and all the details in it. I think it looked at me, but it didn't mean anything to it, because it had the mind of any fish, and as known they do not pay very much attention to peoples feelings. I loved its face, mostly because it was a very cute one, but not in a puppy-kinda way.. it had slimy lips so the mouth shined a bit. I thought that was very nice.
And the eyes were small, still very wide open and staring out in the air. This was also adding to its cuteness and the way I liked it.

I wanted it to at least struggle a bit, maybe the old man would panic and then grip it witouth thinking about its slipperyness, and then lose into the hole in the lake again. And when I thought this, I got eyecontact with the Swordfish, and then it felt like we had some sort of unknown agreement. The Swordfish started to struggle and wiggle on the ground even more, the old man hadn't went for it yet. He was just standing and smiling, as it had no chance of escape whatsoever, and with good reason. Of course the Sordfish wouldn't get away. 
But The Swordfish got into a rythm.
The Rythm of its wiggling suddenly made it progress along the ground, towards me. 
I smiled and I felt very happy from now on. 
The Swordfish's movement had brought it to me with incredible speed, passing through between my legs. The old man understood that he had to be quick to get his prey, and started to look kind of despreate, yet still smiling a common old man's smile. But he couldn't not move as fast as the Swordfish.
He had to do something to keep up with its pace, to get to it. 
He lied down on the ground on his stomach, and he started to wiggle his body just like The Swordfish.
It looked crazy, but it was not funny in the dream because of the excitement.
I noticed that the downhill that led to the Living River was right behind me, but that it was too bumpy for The Swordfish to get over them all, sad enough. Still there was some kind of hope in my feelings, and it was probably connected to my happiness.
The old man had gotten really close now. In fact, he now passed through between my legs just like the Swordfish had a few seconds ago. 

I remember I was sort of paralyzed in my position, couldn't really move much, but that this Paralyzation was something I decided to maintain so it would be harder for the old man to wiggle pass me.
As he Wiggled out between my legs, I looked back to see him pass The Entrance of the Feet. He struggled just a little to get by, but it was really no big problem.
Suddenly I was beside the both of them.
I was no longer paralyzed.
The old man did not bother to keep his pace at a maximum level, because He knew he would catch The Swordfish anyway. I too knew, and the Swordfish also knew. It was sad to look at the Swordfish, it was stuck because of the bumpy downhill, and it looked resigned. 
"Poor Old Swordfish", I thought..
- then I barely touched it with my foot, gave it a tiny push, and it was over the bump, and it slid down the hill, reaching just enough pace to get over the remaining bumps.
I was so afraid that it would get hurt along the way, it was a big fall down to the River, and fishies got tender skin, you know. 
But the snowy grounds functioned like a slide to its slimy skin.
After 18 metres of downhill-sliding, It fell like 9 metres in the loose air before hitting the water, and again I got afraid because a lot of sharp rocks were sticking out from there, one could see the rocky grounds beneath the water. 
But Me and the Old man saw it land safely in the streaming River below, and Swordfish swam happily along with the stream, heading for a large and very nice Sea. 
It swam quickly and was extremely conatined, adding this experience to historys he would tell to other fishies in the future.
The nice old man said; 
"Oh, well", looked happy enough, and took his leave. 
I was very happy for The Swordfish.

Krokkleiva forest myth # 4

Butterfly Adventures

This butterfly has two tails, and it is clearly trying to resemble some sort of kite. The fact is, that if you attach a string to it and try to fly it like a kite, it will be rippen apart.


Another butterfly that cannot possibly be flew as a kite.


This butterfly is the most calloused butterfly in the world, and if you attach a string to it and let it go, you can actually fly it excactly as a kite.

Krokkleiva forest myth # 3

Bear Trap Plant

This plant that resides deep in the Krokkleiva forests is a very dangerous and deceitful one. It's like "heey look at me, I am so beautiful and stuff" - It makes one want to put ones foot into the hole in the middle of it, but when you do, the plant rapidly snaps the foot straight off, just like a bear trap. This is why it is known as the Bear-Trap Plant by the forest people.

ancient scriptures "

Toby

Once it was a boy. He was named Toby. He was named after some member of the Brutto Family, most likely after Toby Brutto.
Toby had a Master. The Masters Name was Toby. *

*to make this as simple as possible, we name them Toby(the boy, and Toby Brutto(only named once))

Toby B found Toby on his doorstep late ni the 1390s.
Toby was adopted by the Bruttos. He was raised in Ma `haan, The city of Evil Magicians and Sorcerers.

From the age of 9 months, Toby fed the lil' boy a certain kind of food called "Gaano".
The Gaano turned Toby into some kind of Human Crow. Ha had Large, dirty wings and a long nebb.

Nebb like a razor.

One day Toby started to crawe the Gaano, and eventually his mind was all about geting the G.
He did not have a mind of his own, he only crawed Gaano from different parts of the universe.

Brutto fed Toby the midiceine every day. He would say
"Yeees, come here, drink iyt, drink the magical drink"
and then it was impossible for him to resist.

But as all regular hapenings, this have been challenged by the course of tide.
During an party, for celebrating The Birth of The Four, Toby started to ask the Brutto an awful lot of questions about the magical potion.
"Brutto, why is it that I crawe these potions so much.. my nebb is getting more and more disapproaving to the directions of Enjoyment of Fluid tonight, like it has to know EXACTLY what the purpose is, of it ALL, in way."
Brutto had more and more difficulties of answering, and as the facts about the magical potion little by little showed its true face, you could see Toby's nebb was morphing into what had been there before, yes, a nose.. A turtle kind of nose, it was.

" I will keep this appearance as my icon to you, for worshipping of you. Know ye all that it is a scripture of Acknowledgement and Salvation." Toby said.

Krokkleiva forest myth # 2

Most Deadly Butterfly Ever

The Pink Viper Striking Butterfly of Death is the most deadly of all butterflies. It is known to fly about 9000 km up in the air - diving from there it reaches an incredible speed, too fast to measure by human technology, piercing straight through the head. It happens so fast that the human actually is alive for 9 seconds after the incident, despite the fact that ones brain has been penetrated. When Rigor Mortis has occured, the butterfly feasts on the human brains.

Krokkleiva forest myth #

Legend of Toby the Fish

In a lake deep inside the tightest parts of the forests lives a Fish.

This Fish is not like other fishes, because its brain has evolved beyond the borders of marine evolution.

It is as old as time itself, and have survived everything from earthquakes to nuclear blasts.

No one knows why or how this fish is so sneaky, to live that long and to withstand everything that has happened in the entire history of the earth - it's truly astonishing and has made it a legend, not only to man, but also to other fish and mammals generally.

At all time it have two smaller fishes to carry his flute.
Yes, it has a flute.
Maybe this is a magical flute, then again maybe not.
At all time, two smaller fish likes to carry his flute in front of him, making it pretty easy for him to access the flute if he feels like fluting away.

The Fish likes to blow this flute, to make sounds appear in water, and the sound that leaves the Fish and penetrates the water is so beautiful that one would become blind if one could see sound as an element.

The Fish is called Toby, named by the few forestmen that have encountered it.
They have been fishing in its lake, but when they hear Toby plays his Flute, something has happened that made them swallow whole boxes of fish-hooks along with their entire boxes containing dirt and bait; worms and maggots. That is why Toby the Fish is a Lakekeeper, and no one dares go fishing there, despite the fact that it contains over 16 00 million fishies.

As mentioned, two fishes are always around to carry Toby's flute.
It is considered a great honour, as every fish and seastar in the lake has great respect for Toby.
The two best fishes in the lake would carry the flute for their entire life, then passing their duty onto their offspring just 9 seconds before they die.

Generations of flute-carriers have co-existed with Toby, hanging around and living for one thing only, to carry the Flute for Him Who Keeps the Lake Safe from Human Intrusion.

Den Store Dagen

Endeleg var dagen der! Dagen han hadde sett fram til i laang tid. Han hadde førebudd seg godt, kom ikkje der! Og no var han klar..

Det var nemleg i dag dei fikk att engelsktentamen! Han var heilt viss på å få "S", minst. Han hadde jo tross alt førebudd seg i fire veker i forvegen. Han fekk elektriske spasmar over heile kroppen når han tenkte på dette. Tenk det a! Ess Jess, tenkte han, og humra for seg sjølv.

På bussen til skolen satt han og tenkte på det heile tida. Fleire snake til han, men han ensa det ikke. Dette resulterte i buksevatn og døyping i pisserenna. Men dette syntes Arild var heilt okei, for han kom jo til å få S(!) på engelsktentamen.

På skolen. Fjerde time. Engelsk. Oboy, oboy, oboy! Det verste som kunne hende var at han fekk S-, men sjølv det var heilt usannsynleg.
Så fekk han den.
Han syntest det likna ein slags heilag bibelrull, eller noko liknande.
"Bra, Arild." sa læraren idet han leverte prøva.
Arild stirra på han.

Det begynte å skumme rundt munnen hans. "Gledesfråde", kalla han det.
Litt sikkel rann ned på arka, men Arild var snar med å tørke det opp.
Han var på tre sider, engelsktentamen.
Første side, ingen feil.
Andre side, ingen feil.
Tredje side, ing.. to feil?!
Kva inn i gamperæva var dette for noko?!
Arild forøkte å roe seg ned.
Ja, ja, to feil. Han fekk no S allikevel. Eller..
Arild snudde prøva og så på karakteren.. G+

Han begynte å riste. Først skalv han på hendene, så knea og til slutt rista heile forbaska kroppen.
Nå fråda han også, men dette var definitivt ikkje "gledesfråde". Så avgjort ikkje. Han blei heilt raud i toppen og Arild følte at han måtte skrike. Da sa læraren;
"Husk no endeleg å vere stille mens dei andre har tentamen. Dei sit i rommet vil siden av og vil nødig bli forstyrra..."
Ta det med ro, tenkte Arildfor seg sjølv. Dette klarar du, ha full kontroll no. Må tenke på alt det fine i verda... blomar, bananar, fredsprisar, Beat for Beat... G+, G+, G+!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!"
To vindauge knuste og blod spruta ut av øyra til sidekameraten.
Læraren:
"Men Arild, kva feiler det deg?"
"Tidsmaskin! Eg må laga ein tidsmaskin!"

Arild døyde av ein overdose Heroin og Amfetamin den 21. oktober 1996.

The Evil Granny

One Day Billy and his granny, Edna, decided to go to the zoo - Billy brought his dog Snoopy. On the way to the zoo, Edna stopped and talked to a lady she had met before. The lady was walking with her baby. Billy pretended that he was playing with the baby, but when the lady looked another way, he stole the babys fingerstall and playing-thingies.

The first thing they saw in the zoo was the monkeys.
"Can I have a monkey, granny?" Billy asked.
"We'll see after we've put Snoopy to death". answered Edna.
Billy started to cry, but Edna hit him until he stopped.

After a while, Billy saw an ice-cream stand.
"Can I have one, granny, can I, can I?!?"
Edna didn't want Billy to tell his parents about the beating, so she stole an ice cream from one of the kids in the park and gave it to Billy. It was wet with kiddie-slime but he didn't notice.

Suddenly a large dog came over to them.
"Hide you ice-cream, Billy! And DON'T touch that cur!"
But when Billy hid his ice cream behind his back, his cute little dog, Snoopy, ate the ice cream.
When Billy saw this he started to cry again.
"Shut up!" Edna shouted.
"That did only happen because you're a stupid and creepy boy! Just like that caterpillar over there!" She said and pointed out in the bushes.

They ate dinner in the park.
Suddenly Billy said;
" What does the sign say, granny?"
" I don't know," she answered, " I've forgotten my reading glasses."
But she knew what the sign said.
"DO NOT SIT ON THE GRASS".
But she didn't care.

After Billy hade been forced to bed, he had nightmares about all the things that'd happened that day.

Terrible Nightmares.

Myte om snutenes verden

Naturens Hevn

Det var en gang en mann som het Arthur.
Arthur var 46 år gammel og hadde masse skjegg.
Arthur var glad i dyr.
Om ettermiddagen pleide han å dra på jakt for å skyte seg et dyr eller to.
Noen ganger kastet han stein på dem i steden.
Etter at han hadde skutt dem/steinet dem, stoppet han dem ut og plasserte dem i stua.
På veggen i stua hang det vanvittig mange forskjellige slags dyrehoder.
Han hadde blant annet to elger, tre grevlinger, fire bjørner, seks beltedyr, og hele førtiåtte pungrotter.

Grunnen til at Arthur hadde begynt å skyte dyr var det få som visste om.
Han syntes nemlig at det var morro å berøre offrenes snuter.
Dyresnuter er nemlig våte og kalde, og Arthur fikk en slags berusende opplevelse når han tok eller gnidde på en skikkelig våt dyrenese.
Men den måtte være fersk, for etter en stund tørket snutene inn.
Derfor skjøt Arthur stadig nye dyr for å tilfredsstille sin umettelige hunger etter å berøre snuter.

En dag var Arthur i skikkelig jakthumør.
Alle snutene hans var tørket inn og det var flere timer siden Arthur hadde fått seg snute.
Så han drog avsted mot skogen, lykkelig uvitende om at denne dagen skulle forandre hans liv for alltid.
Arthur stod urørlig... hva var det han kunne skimte der borte?
En kanin?? Han bøyde seg forsiktig ned mot bakken og plukket opp en stor stein.. så pælma han den så hardt han kune rett mot dyrets hode.
Et knekk hørtes idet steinen traff dyret og trestammen bak ble tilsølt av blod.
"Æsj". Tenkte Arthur og gikk bort til dyret.
En hare!
Solen glinset i dyresnuten, og Arthur merket at han siklet. Han tok offeret med seg hjem, og tørket vekk blodet fra harepelsen mens han tygde på en kjeks.

Da han kom hjem vasket han haren på 40¤, for deretter å blåse alt han kunne inn i munnen pån - for å få ut unødvendige innvoller og sånt.
Nå var alt klart.
Han tente et stearinlys for å gjøre det ekstra koselig.
Så, sakte men sikkert, beveget han hånden sin mot snuten.
Ekstase!

Han lå og hvilte snuteluren sin da det plutselig ringte på døra.
Hvem kunne det være??
Han skulle til å åpne, men istedet ble den slengt i trynet pån, slik at han føyk rett inn i veggen bak ham!
"Grevlinger, skogsmus, ekorn... hvasomhelst... bare ikke en bendelorm."
I døråpningen kunne han skimte konturen av et enormt beltedyr.
Arthur pustet lettet ut.
Beltedyret strakte ut det ene benet, og holdt noe langt og slimete mellom tærne.
En bendelorm...
Arthur skjønte at spillet var over.

The Crazy Brutto Brothers and their insane mama

Krokkleiva is a very old and mysterious village up in the mountains covered with woods. These woods are older than time itself and it is said the trees there are the true Gods of the universe.

The trees there are so incredible great in numbers that it would take so much time to count them that the brain of a limitless man would explode by the very tought of trying to.

They posess great knowledge of what has been and what will come.

There are millions of stories originated from these forests, and probably, one way or another, every single myth in the universe has its outspring here.

This is one of the true ones.

Not many people live inside the forests because it is too mysterious to trust that you could live a life in there without encountering some sort of terrible fear.

But like chocolate, there are some people thats kinda nutty.

One of them is the Brutto Family.

There are only three known and seen members of the Bruttos. Two brothers and their mama.

The Brutto brothers can be heard howling in the night, imitating all sorts of animals. At first its kind of funny, but when you have heard them for a while, it will occur to you that this imitation of sounds never stops and probably have gone on forever, its very very frightening.

Two things is known about these animal imitations;

One: The elder and also largest brothers favorite sound is the sound of a Howler monkey.

Two: The younger brothers favorite sound is the sound of a scared Pygmy Marmoset baby.

The Brutto bros have been spotted nine times in the history of mankind. The first sight was reported waay back, in 1150-something.

The latest spotting was in 1999.

This alone tells us that we are dealing with a couple of very old Bruttos.

Their mama has been only spotted three times, every time she has been reported sitting on a tree stump, only to seemingly fade into the pattern of the tree stumps bark at the very same moment she was seen.

But above this, the main reason to avoid any of the Bruttos is the fact that their insane mama collects animal skin and sews it directly onto her sons naked bodies.

Each time they've been seen they have been wearing different types of animal skin, only revealing their faces. One could clearly see the stitches on their bodies with fresh blood emerging from the seam.

These are some of the facts that made their well-known namies;

The Crazy Brutto Brothers and Their Insane Mama.

Here is an old piece of ancient paper found in the woods in the late 1970s, illustrating their very sick and insane biddings:

One thing learned from this ancient scripture, is that even Jesus the Savior himself thinks the Bruttos are crazy. One can see him uttering the words; "crazy indeed", followed with a "!". It shows us that He Who is All-forgiving and tries to understand even the most cracked and malfunctioning of creatures, cannot bare their crazyness and must react in an oral outburst of dimensions.
Therefore; if your ways works so mysteriously that you stumble upon the Bruttos, it is safe to say that you should leave that place immediatly.

Toby the Cripplor

In ancient Japan, there was a man, whose limbs were crippled away, his legs were gone and you could see the old dried meat were they had been, and also some of the bone. It was really exciting to look at, like a galaxy with meaty fleshcoloured spheres and a milky centre that made you think of the Milky Way chocolate. 

The cripples are harmless it is said, and this was also the case with this crippled man called Toby.
But Toby the cripple appeared as something of a bully, because he always rode his wooden wheelie-plank with a aliminium Baseball Bat in his hands.

Children were very afraid of Toby the Cripple, and they could see what others couldn't, that his bat was covered in stained blood. The stained blood changed its appearance from day to day, thus revealing that the Bat was used frequently.

One day a parentless child was roaming the streets of ancient Japan, and he noticed Toby wheeling away into a narrow alleyway. Curious by nature, the boy(by incidence also named Toby) followed him.

What he saw was truly magnificent. Toby the Cripple had found a magical place deep inside this alleyway, it was nature green and on a tiny hill in the middle of it all, Toby Cripple sat on his wheelie-plank. He was whirling The Bat around in the air, knocking little birdies down to the ground with every single strike. They lied there in front of him in a big pile. Toby Cripple ate them like a snearing animal, ripping them apart so the intestines flew in every single imaginable direction. Some even landed on Toby Parentless' chin.


Despite of this unique glory Toby Parentless had experinced he suffered great Nightmares for the rest of his life.

intervju; Våpen i et Spill

Jeg snakket med en venn en gang, han spilte World of Warcraft assa fikk han den feteste bua i spellet som han sa. Det var Bow Of Eternal Satisfaction og det var piler, ah hvilke piler, de het Arrows of Pure Joy and Happiness. Jeg spiller ikke det spillet jeg.
En annen venn er vekter og han sleit litt pa jobben noen ganger for uteliggere a sann er egentlig ikke sa himla vanskelig a fjerne,nar de stjeler lissom,da, men det viste seg raskt at noen av dissse hadde Gloves of AIDS og det suger litt nar man ikke har det sjæl da.

Tar vare på tunga

; ca. 1999
En gang drømte jeg at jeg måtte opp av senga fordi jeg hadde så ekkel smak i munnen akkurat som den var fylt opp av en slags væske..når jeg kjente rundt i munnen føltes det som om når man har mista tenner liksom, pluss at jeg hadde lite blodsmak inni der a! Jeg måtte på badet for å sjekke det ut for den var fylt opp av en el anna væske merket jeg..Badet er hvitt og blendene sterilt og det er vasken og alt inventaret ox. Så jeg går bort til vasken og spytter ut alt det i munnen, det er ganske mye og det er nok blod ja for det er rødt og tjukt og smaker jern. Det ligger som en slags pøl oppi vasken med noen objekter inni merker jeg, de er tilsølt av blod så det er vanskelig å se hva det er. Den eneste fargen untatt det røde er en liten hvit streng, jeg skjønner at det må være brusk av noe slag..men det er også en ekstra stor ting oppi der som er helt tilsølt av det røde, og den spreller litt sånn krampeaktig..jeg forstår at jeg må skylle vekk det røde og finne ut hva det er. Jeg skyller og om litt er det røde vekke oppi der...imens skyllinga foregår kjenner jeg merd tunga rundt i munnen, det smaker fortsatt jern og det er litt som når man roter oppi der man nettopp har mistet tenner da..Jeg ser hva som er oppi vasken nå hva som spreller...den spreller fortere nå og ikke så krampeaktig siden den er fri fra alt det røde klisset. Jeg ser at det er tunga mi og oppdager at den rare følelsen i munnen er fordi nettopp tunga er borte da lite a liksom, tenker jeg på en måte..Den spreller fortsattt og jeg forstår at denne må jeg ta vare på. Jeg mangler den jo. Inni meg. Jeg putter den oppi et slags stort, bredt syltglass, type sånne man har døde fostre(?) oppi el andre ting man legger på sprit. Det glasset er fylt med vann og jeg putter tunga oppi som sagt, den begynner å svømme i sirkler oppi der og det ser faktisk ut som om den trives litt. Dette får bli midlertidig tenker jeg.

Viking frenzy; noe om Kontroll

; 04.09.2007
Drøm: Jeg sitter inne på en taverna med masse vikinger, rommet likner på stue hjemme hos mormor og morfar. Jeg sitter ved et bord med ca 3 folk og drikker tequila med en neger, det er koslig men dystert.
Lenger nede ved et anna bord sitter mer møkkete og hardcore vikinger, han ene dreper jevnlig folk ved bordet men det er på en måte helt greit liksom for det er vanlig da..Jeg ser han har et stort sverd. Det er bredt og bladet er nesten svart. Det er minst like stort som et strykebrett. Jeg spør, usedvanlig høflig til å være midt blant vikinger :
"kan jeg værså snill og holde sverdet ditt og se på det eller".
Litt forfjamset over mitt talemål og frekkheten ved å spørre en så hardcore person om noe slikt, reiser han seg opp..han finner to objekter på gulvet, jeg husker ikke hva det ene var, men det andre var en slags streng, type fiskesnøre. Han lager en liten bue, omtrent så stor som en kopp og kommer bort til meg. Vi står begge ca midt i rommet. Han fører buen inntil mitt fjes og spenner den, slipper, slik at jeg blir dasket i ansiktet av strengen og jeg faller om. Jeg ligger der og er litt skremt samtidig overrasket over at han ikke slakter meg med sverdet. Venter litt på et hugg. Jeg holder meg i ro på gulvet, vikingen sier i det fjerne "ikke ta med unger hit for pokker," eller noe liknende. Han er oppgitt over mitt framstøt, at jeg spurte om sverdet hans.
Samtidig ser han det ikke som seriøst nok til å gidde å hugge meg ned, trolig er dette litt flaks også. Da innser jeg at jeg ikke kan finne meg i å bli behandlet som en skjødehund.

Jeg reiser meg og går bort til bordet mitt igjen. Vikingen har satt seg ved sitt gamle bord. Jeg finner en slags stav på gulvet, den er en rituell stav, jeg tenker at jeg skal prøve å skremme han ved overtro og gjør håndbevegelser i lufta som først likner noe kristent, men efterhvert blir mer riutelle og urgamle.
Samtidig plukker jeg opp staven og rister den, og jeg skjønner at noe er i ferd med å skje. Vikingens blikk blir dystert, han går ut av tavernaen , forbi glassvinduene og jeg innser at han skal hente noen eller noe fordi han vil slakte meg ned som en hund.
Det går litt tid.
Jeg hører han kommer.
Han knuser vinduene langs mot inngangen med sitt store svarte sverd og det er flere med ham. Jeg steller meg bak et hjørne ved bordet og venter.
Så ser jeg at det kommer tre skikkelser, tre store klumpete sterke skikkelser min vei, Jeg husker spesielt han ene-han er skallet og grønn i huden, øynene hans er store og stirrende og han ser ut som en slags innavlet stammeperson, halvt stammemann, halvt monster av no bissart slag.
Stor mage.
Bastskjørt.
Mørke ringer under øynene.
Jeg hopper på de tre og stikker de opp med noen meget bøyelige sverdblader som ikke er større enn en ridepisk. Jeg er liten men hopper opp, spidder og slenger meg der hvor sverdet står, og spidder meg videre til jeg har drept de tre.
Den store vikingen er igjen. Jeg hopper opp på en hattehylle like ved og ser at han er bak et hjørne, klar til på hugge med det store sverdet. Han gjemmer seg fordi han ser jeg kan drepe. Litt engstelig samtidig forbannet på at hean skal klare å lure seg på meg med et eneste kraftig hugg.
Jeg slenger meg innpå ham, røsker sverdet hans ut av hånden hans og kjører det gjennom hodet hans, ovenifra. Det er meget tilfredstillende.

De tre ved mitt bord smiler inni seg. Jeg blir borte. Nå ser jeg ting fra personen ved siden av den tequiladrikkende negeren sin synsvinkel. Han ser at jeg plutselig er utenfor, ved en bro, ved et vann. Tre til fire fugler svermer rundt meg, en av dem er en ugle og en er spurv, jeg kommuniserer uten ord med disse, og reiser meg etterhvert, fra knesittende stilling. Jeg rir vekk på en hest mens jeg langsomt forvandles til noe av en slags menneskeskikkelse med fugle kropp, hodet blir forvrengt til en slags ugle form. Det er fredelig.

Space Short Story

A Visit From Outer Space

I'd just woken up when I heard remarkable news on the radio. An UFO had been discovered over Lake Park, and a reporter had been kidnapped. The only thing left of her was her notepad. Not much later I got a call from the FBI. They wanted me on the case.

I arrived at the crime scene in my grandmothers sportscar. I found the reporters notepad. The reporter had written down some notes. Only key words like;

- people scared, - flashing lights, - "footprints"?, - strange noises, etc.

I didn't bother to study the place any further so I went home and slept.

In the middle of the night somebody knocked at my window - at first I didn't check it because the fact that I woke up in the middle of the night reminded me of a song, containing the strofe, "In the middle of the night". I get easily distracted. It knocked again. It was an alien. Ek.

"Where's the reporter?" I asked.

"She's been slayed" It replied with a weird voice. Cool.
"You and your friends have to suffer for your crimes. Come with me."
The alien laughed a loud, evil laughter. Then it started walking slowly away from the window, provably preparing some sort of attack. I grabbed my gun.
"Die, you alien-swine!" I blew its brains out.
Outside I could catch a glimpse of the alien vehicle. I went outside to punish the other aliens. The aliens were trying to start their UFO by using start-cables and my grandmothers sportscar.
"Eeek! A human" one of them suddenly screamed.
The UFO got its electricity, and started movig towards the sky. I grabbed my lasso and caught the UFO. Then I tied the rope to a tree. When the UFO reached top speed, it whirled around the tree and crashed into it.
It blew up with a big ka-BOOM!!
Aliens. They come to our planet, kill our reporters and tries to leave like nothing ever happened. I just don't understand it.

Snilt lag vs Slemt lag Escalating into Monster Madness

; 28.02.2009
Vi ble delt opp i to lag, hvorav det ene som var tydelig slemt og hadde blåaktig hud. Vi befant oss på gårdsplassen utafor huset, med utkikk ned til litt av hagen rundt et hushjørne.
Jeg ble etterhvert oppmerksom på at jeg hadde brukt såpass lang tid til å betrakte selve situasjonen, at jeg var den siste til å velge våpen. De hang på den blodrøde husveggen. Alt som var igjen var laget av spiker, trestokker og rusk&rask. 
Ble snurt og sa det til en på laget mitt at dette var det håpløst å kjempe til døden med. Han avviste kontant mitt utbrudd og sa ;
"Du har jo enorme spyd å kjempe med i tillegg til kastestjerner!"Da jeg så nærmere på våpna syntes jeg ikke det var fullt så ille lenger.
Spydene var jernrør, liknende gardinstenger med spisse kroker i enden, noen spydspissformede også.
"Kastestjernene" var spiker bøyd til små kroker og de var skåret i og slipt slik at de var spisse og taggete overalt. Jeg forstod at disse måtte være ekle å få kastet på seg og ville feste seg i skinnet på en ganske provoserende måte.
Det var også to staver* med hvert sitt spisse element festet i endene, like lange som, ja nettopp, ridepisker. Dissse ville fungere utmerket hvis jeg hadde en i hver hånd og fektet vilt; men samtidig elegant og ninja-aktig, rundt meg. Men jeg måtte bestemme meg for hvilket våpen jeg skulle ha med meg og det var neggu ikke lett for jeg ville jo ha så mange og mest mulig effektive våpen som mulig. Det Slemme Laget så rimelg badass ut så de tålte nok en del smerte og var garantert ikke lette å skremme nei.
Jeg valgte å gå for de to Kamas, et langt krokspisset gardinstangspyd, og noen kastestjerner. Da kunne jeg ha de to Kamas i hver sin hånd, Spyd på ryggen, og kastesjernane i lommer.

Jeg hadde såvidt begynt å strekke meg etter Kamas da jeg kjente et uhyre ubehagelig og overraskende støtaktig stikk i ryggtavla, og jeg skjønte straks at dette var kastestjerne-smerter! Snudde meg brått og der nede stod Skeletor og lo, smilte ondt før han for bak i hagen. Han hadde tydeligvis også rasket med seg noen spikerkastesjerner, og de festet seg i skinnet mitt på en særs ubehagelig måte, som tistler av jern. Etter litt fikk jeg summet meg og begynte på strekke meg etter våpen igjen, men denne gangen tok jeg kastesjerner først ass.

Plutselig hørte jeg et fryktinngytende rop nede fra hagen bak hushjørnet. Det Slemme laget dukket opp, forferdet av frykt, de rygget bakover og var livredde! En Gigantisk hudrosa, krokrygget skapning bykset seg mot dem***.
Den var stor som åtte fjellgorillaer, bulende av muskler som så ut som de skulle sprekke hvert øyeblikk. Hodet var nede bed brystkassen, den hadde enorm pukkelrygg og små provoserende bein. Øynene var små og glødende onde, to horn i pannen, og en feit rynkepølse som skygget for de ekstremt ondskapsfulle øynene og underkjeven hang full av sikkel og åpenbarte et gap stappfullt av sylskarpe tenner. Dette var så skremmende at det var bare å droppe Snilt vs Slemt og prøve å redde sitt eget liv for enhver pris.
Jeg løp mot mitt trygge hus.
Inn inngangsdøra, kom til den bittelille gangen hvor sko skal av, før jeg igjen ble skremt - denne gang var det en på mitt lag(som nuvel var blåhudet) som rygget forbi mitt øyesyn, og tett innpå fulgte Monsteret. Det tok omtrent 9 millisekund for de å passere, jeg hørte hurtig Glefsing i Kjøtt, før Monsteret kom tilbake for å ta meg selv. Jeg rømte ut av gangen, ut av huset, veldig fort men samtidig sakte. Gjennom hagen, ut hekken, og jeg tenkte at jeg måtte komme meg til et sted som betydde fred for meg.
Lekeplassen nedenfor huset vårt er et slikt sted på en måte, så jeg bestemte meg for å bare komme meg dit snarest mulig istedet for å bruke tid og krefter på å finne ut et eventuelt tryggere sted. Jeg løp ned til den åpne lekeplassen, til karusellen nederst, lengst fra huset. Der stoppet jeg og følte at dette fredens sted kanskje ville være min beskyttelse på noen måte.
Da jeg snudde meg så jeg Monsteret kom byksende mot meg med skremmende muskulløse, klønete bevegende byksebaks.

Jeg forstod plutselig. Da jeg var i Japan(i virkeligheten) kjøpte jeg mange monster-figurer og det var disse som nå hadde mutert og blitt levende og mer enorme enn hva som noen gang hadde vært intensjonen til designeren av disse karakterene. Samtidig husket jeg noe jeg lærte meg som liten, hvordan jeg bekjempet et tilbakevendende mareritt. Jeg stod og ventet på det og ville la det spise meg opp uten frykt. Det kom stadig nærmere og åpnet sitt enorme gap. Munne vokste seg større og inntok en sirkulær form, og jeg så at de spisse tennene var overalt inni der, og innover og innover i Monstergapets Dyp som en uendelig malstrøm av kvernetenner. Mens munnen vokste seg større mot meg saknet plutselig Monsterets fart og munne vrengte seg oppover, hodet bente seg bakover og jeg syntes jeg så rynkepølsa over øyna forme et trist uttrykk, det var tydelig at monsterets eksistens var i ferd meg å opphøre, før jeg våknet..


* Kama
** Shuriken
*** En slags blanding av Demonene i pc-spillet Doom, og Violator fra Spawn